Don't Cha Wish Your Music Parody Game Was Hot Like This?

Jun 15, 2018
Originally published on June 18, 2018 2:29 pm

Jonathan Coulton parodies some of Rolling Stone music critic Rob Sheffield's favorite summer songs in a game about summer annoyances. Don't forget your SPF.

Heard on Ed Helms: Tag Me In.

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JONATHAN COULTON: This is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Colton. Now here is your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Before the break, we met our contestants Lindsay and Darragh. Next we'll play a game about songs of the summer, which, with how climate change is going, in 10 years might be "Frosty The Snowman." Let's check in with our contestants. Lindsay, what's on your beach hang playlist?

LINDSAY MARTINEZ: There's this song I heard in "Master Of None" called "OK OK" (ph). And I don't know the artist, but it's pretty bad but pretty good at the same time.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Right. Darragh, what's on your beach hang playlist?

DARRAGH NOLAN: For the last few years "Cool For The Summer" by Demi Lovato has been my go-to summer song. I need a summer song with lesbian undertones.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Your next game is called Don't Cha Wish Your Music Parody Game Was Hot Like This?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Lindsay, you won the last game, so you win this and you're in the final round. Every song parody in this game is a favorite summer jam as selected by Rolling Stone music writer Rob Sheffield. And to provide commentary, please welcome the author of "Dreaming The Beatles," now in paperback. Happy to have you, Rob Sheffield. Thank you.

ROB SHEFFIELD: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: All right, Rob, what makes a great summer song?

SHEFFIELD: It should be associated with really dubious memories. So, you know, a summer song reminds you of, oh, that hideous tattoo I should not have gotten or...

EISENBERG: OK, yeah.

SHEFFIELD: ...That tragic fling or that hickey of absolutely unknown origin.

EISENBERG: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: Something about a summer song should remind you of things that you really want to forget. That's...

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

SHEFFIELD: ...Ideal.

COULTON: Well, the thing about a summer jam is at the beginning of the summer, you really like it. And then gradually over the course of the summer, it gets more and more annoying until by the end of the summer you're completely sick of it. So we rewrote Rob Sheffield's favorite summer songs to be about various summertime annoyances. Just ring in to tell me what I'm singing about. And then for a bonus, you can identify the original song or artist I'm parodying. You ready?

MARTINEZ: Yes.

NOLAN: Ready.

COULTON: OK. Here we go.

(Singing) Boy, I spent a lot of time in the pool. I should have used my plugs. I'm an infected fool. Now I've got that fung-fung-fung-fun-fun (ph) fungi or bacteria, fung-fung-fung-fun-fun fungi, trouble hearing you.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Darragh.

NOLAN: Athlete's foot.

COULTON: That's...

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I know I said the word fungi a lot. That's a very good guess. That's not what we were looking for. Lindsay, do you know the answer?

MARTINEZ: Swimmer's ear?

COULTON: Swimmer's ear is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Yeah. You never forget your first ear infection, do you?

COULTON: No. And for a bonus point, can you name the song or the artist?

MARTINEZ: "Super Bass"?

COULTON: Yeah, that's right, Nicki Minaj.

(APPLAUSE)

SHEFFIELD: Nicki Minaj, the queen, who has a summer jam pretty much every summer.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SHEFFIELD: That was her first solo hit, "Super Bass," in 2011. And she has a new summer jam that she just released with Lil Wayne called "Rich Sex" which is filthy.

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: In fact, I don't think there's a single line from it that I can quote.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: All right, here's your next one.

(Singing) I forgot that big-ass beach hat. Now my skin is red from UV rays, really ashen stripes (ph) on these dark days.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Lindsay.

MARTINEZ: Sunburn.

COULTON: Sunburn is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: For a bonus point, can you name the song or the artist?

MARTINEZ: I cannot.

COULTON: OK.

MARTINEZ: No.

COULTON: Rob, why don't you tell us what that song is?

SHEFFIELD: Miley Cyrus...

COULTON: Yes.

SHEFFIELD: ..."We Can't Stop." The artist formerly known as Hannah Montana.

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: She did that great live version of it on MTV that summer where she was twerking with the giant psychedelic teddy bears.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SHEFFIELD: It was absolutely bizarre. I loved it.

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: Her dad was in a David Lynch movie, and the David Lynch movie was maybe 10 percent as surreal.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Here's your next one.

(Singing) Got me feeling too itchy right now. These bumps got me acting so twitchy right now. But things aren't so bleak right now. I don't have West Nile or zika right now.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Darragh.

NOLAN: Mosquito bites.

COULTON: Oh, yeah, mosquito bites. That's correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: For a bonus point, can you name the song or artist?

NOLAN: "Crazy In Love."

COULTON: Yeah, that's right, Beyonce.

(APPLAUSE)

SHEFFIELD: Beyonce with Jay-Z...

EISENBERG: I know.

SHEFFIELD: ...Who she ended up marrying. And then in the last couple years she did a concept album about him cheating on her.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SHEFFIELD: And he did a concept album begging her for forgiveness.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SHEFFIELD: And now they're on tour together.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I wish I could only talk to people through my concept album.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: How am I doing? You'll find out.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: OK.

(Singing) I was like, good gracious, heat is tenacious. Roll the windows down. I can't face this. Bucket seats will burn my hide. Got a greenhouse effect inside.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Darragh.

NOLAN: Really hot inside your car.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Can you name the song or the artist?

NOLAN: I can't, sorry.

UNIDENTIFIED CROWD: Oh.

EISENBERG: Oh, people are losing it in the audience.

COULTON: Oh, they are so disappointed.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Rob, who was that?

SHEFFIELD: "It's Getting Hot In Here So Take Off All Your Clothes" (ph) by Nelly, the great St. Louis rapper. That's one of my karaoke go-tos.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

SHEFFIELD: What a room clearer. Oh, my God.

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: Like, yes, once I start urging people to remove clothing because of the excessive temperature, people remember something they really have to do...

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: ...Out on the sidewalk.

COULTON: Yeah. All right, this is your last clue.

(Singing, playing guitar) Drip, drip. I'm a mammal. It's my gland's location. Drip, drip. Moisture from my pores from a regulation. Drip, drip. I'm drenched now, got the diaphoresis. Drip, drip. My Speed Stick failed, but it should've stopped this. Damn it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Lindsay.

MARTINEZ: Sweating.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Sweating is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: For a bonus point, can you name the song or artist?

MARTINEZ: "Yeah!" by Usher.

COULTON: Yeah, that's correct.

(APPLAUSE)

SHEFFIELD: Mr. Romance. Usher - so smooth, always. Perfect song. It's where he teamed up with Lil John, the king of crunk music whose albums include "Crunk Juice" and "Crunk Rock."

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: The best.

SHEFFIELD: And "Kings Of Crunk" and, of course, "We Still Crunk!!"

(LAUGHTER)

SHEFFIELD: In case you had doubts about his ongoing loyalty to the crunk concept. God bless that man...

EISENBERG: I believe. I believe.

SHEFFIELD: ...Keeping the crunk alive.

EISENBERG: Before I reveal the winner, Rob, thank you so much for letting us ruin some of your favorite music.

SHEFFIELD: Thank you. Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Can I convince you to stick around for another quick game?

SHEFFIELD: Yes, of course.

EISENBERG: All right, fantastic. Well done, both of you. But congratulations, Lindsay, you are going to be moving on to our final round.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.